When I Was Loved
by Lexi-chan
Summary: Of course everyone had a childhood, a happy childhood, though hidden in a memory no one knew. Shinta, a farmer's son, was loved as well. From Kenshin as a child until the time he grows up to be fifteen. (So much better than the summary!)
1. part I

**A/N: This may be a little confusing, but here...this is kenshin's POV as a child...before his parents died...until... I hope you enjoy!**

**_June 20, 1849 in a little hut. Born to Myokoto and Sakura, son of a farmer._**

"Isn't he adorable?" 

"Yes he is." 

"Ah, of course he is! He is our Myokoto's son! Of course he will be just as handsome." 

"What is his name?" 

"Shinta. His father named him Shinta." The child cries and his mother rocks him. "Hush, Shinta.," she whispers to him lovingly. The child slowly seizes to cry and drifts away to peaceful slumber. 

**_June 20, 1852. Young Shinta turned three and looks like his father._**

**When somebody loved me**

"Shinta!" A red-haired boy looked up. His face was full of dirt, but his smile never failed to shine brighter than the sun. His mother smiled at him. "Your father has come home. Be sure to say good-bye to your friends and wash up before you enter the house," she told him. "Happy birthday, Shinta." 

Obidiently, little Shinta waved his friends. "Bye! Bye! We'll play tomorrow, that we will!" he said and ran to his mother. "I am ready to wash up now, Mother." His mother nodded as she watched the little boy run to the well to get some water and wash himself clean. "Lalala!" little Shinta sung as he washed. 

He entered the house, his father had arms wide open for him. "Shinta! I miss my son! Happy birthday" he said. He scooped up the three-year-old onto his hands and kissed his forehead. "My Shinta, you have grown so big now that you can wash yourself. Ah, one day you will go to thei fields and plant with me. The day is nearing and nearing, son," he said happily. 

Shinta threw his hands up, hugging his father. The window faced them, he was happy. He saw the sun making its way through thier window and smiled. He looked at his father's eyes, so pure. Shinta leaned at his father's chest. _I will never let you go, Father._

**Everything was beautiful**

"Now, let's settle down and eat." She served rice to her husband, then her son, then herself. She looked at Shinta. "Since it is your birthday, we will go down by the river, Shinta. we can eat there tonight and watch the stars like you've always wanted," she said. 

Shinta jumped up and hugged his mother. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!" he said happily; His mother laughed, so did his father. Shinta watched their happy eyes, he looked at the pure happiness of his family and was now very contented of his life. "Can we watch it until I fall asleep, Mother?" he asked. His mother nodded, Shinta was so happy. 

His father laughed hard as the young boy jumped around. 'Don't get too excited or you'll get indigestion," he said. Shinta calmed down a bit, but the excitement in his eyes never left. His father reached for him and gave him a quick hug. "Now let's eat." 

**Every hour we spent together**

The family walked down the dusty road that night. Shinta walked beside his father. His mother behind them, smiling. She had never seen Shinta this happy. His smile, it was different from the other boys she's seen. It was full of innocence and satisfaction. 

They picked a place under the Sakura tree. Shinta looked at the river flow. His father began to fish. Shinta watched, closely. His father noticed and handed the rod to the boy. He slowly taught Shinta how to fish. Shinta was so happy, his father had never showed him how to fish before, this was the first time. 

"Shinta, do you know the legend of the Flying Fishes?" he asked. Shinta looked at his father with wonder and shook his head. His father smiled as his mother sat beside him. 'Now, when I was a child, my father told me this tale." Shinta had his ears wide to listen. "When you are lucky enough to catch a large fish that flies over the river, make a wish. The wish will definately come true," he said. 

Shinta smiled and nodded. Just then, something tugged his line. Shinta pulled hard. A large fish jumped from the water. "Make a wish, Shinta!" shouted his father. Shinta squinted his eyes. _I wish my family would be like this forver and ever!_ They caught the fish and had it for dinner. His father patted Shinta's head. "See? I hope your wish comes true. Whatever it is. Shinta, I want you to be happy, always." 

"Yes Father," Shinta replied, smiling. it would last forver, this night would last forver. It would always be a memory in my mind. The night I made a wish on that flying fish. "I will always be happy, Father!" 

**Lives within my heart**

**_Early March, 1854. A crowd was gathered in a place, looking at a corpse._**

"Father!" Shinta knelt beside his father's lifeless body. "Father, wake up." Tears came down his eyes as he ran his fingers through his father's cold hand. "Father, please. Father!" 

Whispers were around the boy. "What happened here?" someone asked as he looked at the dead man. 

"Someone has assassinated Myokoto. But, why? He was just a poor farmer with a wife and son. Who would do something evil to break the poor souls? Who could be this evil?" asked another. 

Another man shook his head. "Look at the boy. He will sureley need his father at this age. His poor mother...I pitty them, but there is nothing I could do. There is nothing we could do. No matter what, we cannot bring the dead back to life." 

**_The burial of Myokoto was very solemn. Many had cared for him._**

"I am grieved for the loss of your husband, Sakura," said a man Shinta had never knew. "I know it must be hard, especially when he has left you a son." He looked at Shinta. "He looks like his father, exactly like his father." 

**And when she was sad**

Shinta's mother cried, and cried, and cried. Shinta watched as tears flowed down his mother's eyes. _Mother...please stop._ "Please stop, Mother." His mother just hugged him and whispered things he didn't understand. Shinta hugged her back. "I'm going to miss him too, Mother. Please stop crying, I am still here," Shinta said, he was very much concerned. He had never seen his mother like this beffore. When his father was alive, she smiled no matter what. 

Lifting his chin, his mother looked at Shinta's eyes. Caring, loving and still supportive. "Oh my little Shinta, how I love you." She hugged Shinta tightly. Shinta looked at the sun, it wasn't there to shine at him. Holding back his own tears, he hugged his mother. "Shinta, you're always here. I thank you, Shinta. I thank you very much. I love you Shinta." 

"I love you too, Mother," Shinta replied. Mother and son watched as Myokoto was buried. Shinta gripped his mother's hand tightly. _I'll be a man for her...I'll be a man for my mother._ Shinta looked at his hands. _No matter how small they are, I will plant. I will plant seeds like my father!_ His fist tightned as the sun set and they walk home without his father. 

**I was there to dry her tears**

_**June 20, 1855**_

"Shinta! Shinta! where are you again?" Shinta's mother went looking for her son. She went down to where he usually played with his friends. "Have you seen my Shinta?" she asked them. 

One of the boys pointed ton the fields. "We've told you. He goes out into the fields each day. He seldom comes to play with us." Shinta's mother gasped as she put hands over her mouth. The boy nodded. "It has surprised even us," he said sadly. "Shinta was very good at throwing and catching the balls. Even more, he was good at making us smile." 

Running, Shinta's mother made her way to the fields. "Shinta! Shinta!" She stopped. She saw among the men, a little red-headed boy hoeing. "Shinta..." Tears came down her eyes, but she was happy. 

**And when she was happy**

"Mother!" Shinta waved. His sweat was falling from his forehead, but still had a smile on his face. His smile, still brighter than the sun. Like his father's smile. "Mother! I'm over here!" His waving to his mother was different. He felt no longer like a boy, but a man his father had spoken about to these men now heoing sround him. _Mother, look at me now. Please be proud of me._

Shinta's mother made her way down to him. "Oh Shinta, why are you here? I thought you were out playing with your friends." She looked at the boy's eyes. "These hands weren't meant to hoe the fields at this tender age, Shinta. Maybe when you're grown up," she said. 

But Shinta was stubborn. "No, Mother." He hung his head to keep away the tears that he knew was coming to his eyes. Looking up, he smiled. "I can be a man now. Father said I will become a man sooner or later." He looked at his hands, they were bruised. "Father had hands like these, I see him come home like this. Now it's time for me to have hands like my father," he said. It pleased him so much to see his mother smile. 

**So was I**

"Sakura, I'm surprised that you are here." Shinta's mother looked up to see her husband's best friend. He looked at Shinta at patted his head. "He's like his father." Sakura's eyes widened. "Myokoto, his father died at a tender age. He had to work, for his brothers and sisters." He looked at Shinta. "But you must not make the same mistake, Shinta," he warned. 

Still smiling like niether Sakura nor the man expected, Shinta picked up the hoe. "I can be a man, I promised myself." He swung his hoe down. Sakura covered her mouth as she looked at her son. Shinta looked at her. "Huh?" 

His mother hugged him. He felt her tears drop to his shoulder. "I love you, Shinta." Shinta smiled as he closed his eyes and slowly oepned them again. He looked at the sun, again, it was there. He was ahppy when his mother smiles, it took away the pain when she cried at his father's funeral. it took away the memory. His mother's smile and happy tears remeinded him of the woderful days that they had a family. 

**When she loved me**

**_December 8, 1855. It was cold and Shinta couldn't go out into the fields or play with his friends._**

"Shinta," his mother called. Shinta appeared from his room, yawning. It was a cold night. Shinta's mother gave a little cough. "Shinta, come here and warm yourself. I have made tea for the both of us," she said. 

Shinta slowly walked to his mother. "Mother, is everything all right?" he asked. His mother looked at him and nodded. Shinta smiled and drank tea. He looked up, his mother still silently coughing. _Something's wrong with her and she wouldn't tell me beacuse she knows I am to worry about her._ "Mother, are you really all right?" he asked. 

His mother smiled at him. "Don't worry, Shinta. it's just a little cold, that's all. Now why don't you run a,ong and take your rest. I have to fix up something for breakfast tomorrow," she said as she took Shinta's cup from him. "Now go to bed," she said softly. 

Though worried, he cannot disobey his mother. Shinta went to bed and covered himself. He could hear his mother coughing outside. He lied down, very still to hear her. Tears started to flow from his eyes as he remebered the times before winter came. 

**Through the summer and the fall**

"Mother! Mother!" Shinta went running to his mother who caught him. Shinta was smiling, but he smelled of sweat so his mother sent him to bathe himself. Shinta nodded and did as he was told. he came out from the outhouse and smiled at his mother. "Mother, I'm clean!" he announced happily. 

As a reward, his mother took him walking down the river. "Remeber when your father told you the legend of the Flying Fishes?" she asked. Shinta nodded. His mother smiled. "It is indeed an old tale. I remember it being told to me when I was a young girl." She held Shinta close. "Stay with me forver, Shinta. Pleae," she whispered. 

Shinta looked at the river. _The legend was never true._He watched it flow to the sea as calm as the clouds float above him. _The legend was all a lie, I know My wish didn't come true so it must mean it is all a lie._ He held his mother's hand. "Yes mother, I will stay with you, always. I promise mother. You don't have to trust in legends for that," he swore. His mother smiled, Shinta smiled too. 

**We had each other That was all**

The pigeons flew above them. "Look mother, what are those?" Shinta asked. His mother smiled and told them they were carrier pigeons. "What are they for?" asked curious little Shinta. His mother smiled, she never did reply him. 

"Shinta," said his mother. Shinta looked up. His mother smiled. "You're growing up fast. I do belive your father is still watching over you." She bowed her head. "Do you feel, even once, that you weren't loved by your father?" she asked. 

The boy shook his head as he got a tighter grip on his mother's hand. "No, I know he loves me. He kept on telling me to remember it when he was still living. My father loved me of course," he said with a smile. 

His mother looked at the sun. _Nothing in this world can I compare your heart, Shinta. A child, with a life like this? People wouldn't have guessed you have lost your father with a smile like this. A smile brighter than the sun._ "Come on, Shinta, it is time for us to head back home." The boy agreed and walked side by side with his mother. _Shinta, never lose your smile._

**Just she and I together**

"Mother?" Shinta said. "Can we go fish in the river when I am seven. I want to see the fish fly again like I have before." His mother nodded. _There, I can see father laugh and pat my head again. I can feel his love and his warm embrace. every time I visit here, it was like magic as he walks beside me and hold my right hand as Mother holds my left. It's magic and I want my seventh birthday to be like magic._

They arrived home. Shinta's mother prepared for him his favorite dish and sent him to bed early that night. He looked tired, but at least he was happy. Taht was the only things most important thing to her, that her son had a smile and he was happy. "Good night, Shinta," she whispered as the young boy went to sleep instantly as he lay in his bed. 

**Like it was meant to be**

Shinta awoke from his dream. He once again closed his eyes. _Mother, you have always been there for me when I was young upm until now, Why don't you want your son to ever be there for you? Just for once?_ "Mother..." 

He heard pots clang outside. Shinta quickly got up to see what was wrong. His mother was coughing, she was coughing hard, she was coughing blood. "Mother!" Through the cold, he ran out. "Help! Please! Someone help!" he yelled. 

Lights came on one of the houses, many of the houses. "Boy, what's wrong?" asked on of the men in his komono as he held a lamp up high to look at Shinta's face. "You look pale, boy. Come in and warm up," he said. 

Shinta shook his head. "No, my mother, please help her." He was too tired of the running and too cold of the weather. "Please, help my mother," he whispered and fell on the soft, white snow. "Please help her," he whispered before everything faded away. 

**A/N: So how was it? I'll other part at the as soon as I can so please review them. I worked so hard on them, but flames are always welcome. Thanks to all of you!!! ) **


	2. part II

**A/N: Here is part II of "When I Was Loved". Did you like it so far? Thanks a lot for those who reviewd my story!! ) Thank you so much!**

_**June 19, 1856. The room was pretty warm and the fire crackling was heard...**_

"Mother?" Shinta slwoly sat up. He looked around and rubbed his eyes. Men were inside his house. "Excuse me, please? Where is my mother?" he asked the men. 

The same man who said he was sorry for the loss of his father knelt in front of Shinta. "Boy, I am sorry. Your mother, she's..." His voice faded away ad Shinta's tears came down his eyes uncontrolably. "Shinta, you all right?" 

"NO! NO! SHE CAN'T BE! I AM GOING TO STAY WITH HER FOREVER!" yelled Shinta. The smile from his face was gone. It was dark and there was no sun. But there was something to compare Shinta's face to that night, the darkness of the night. 

**And when she was lonely**

Shinta decided to bury his mother with his own hands. "Mother, I am so sorry I wasn't there, but..." He looked at his hands and looked behind him. Only his father's best friend stood there. "Mother, I am lost. there is no one here, Mother..." Tears came down his eyes. 

He looked up, remebering his mother's smile. "I will be here when you need someone to cry on, Shinta," whispered the clouds. A strong wind blew past his hair. "Stay strong Shinta, and live." Beside his mother, was his father who had the same smile. "Listen to your mother son, live." 

Smiling, Shinta threw down the shovel. "Mother...Father..." He couldn't do as they say, but for their sake he must. He remebered the days when his mother cried. He was always there. He looked up at the sky once more. 'Mother, don't cry for me, please. I am always here as well," he whispered. 

**I was there to comfort her**

"That is enough." A large man gifted with a muscualr body grabbed Shinta's arm. "Come boy, we must make use of you or else you are useless," he said, pulling the boy hard. "Don't be stubborn, boy! Come!" 

His father's best friend made no efoort to stop the man. "Please! Please help me! Please!" He never helped, he was only their to watch. _I knew it, I am going to be alone someday....I am alone now. No one is here to help me._

He was sold to slave traders. "How much would I get for him?" asked the muscular man as he looked at the leader of the caraven with suspicion. "That boy is strong as an ox, he can do anything. He buried his mother with his own hands when she died," he said proudly. 

Shinta looked up, no smile at all. "Like I have heard," answered the leader of the caraven. 'But still, he is a boy. Men would pay less to buy him." He payed the muscled man fairly and grabbed Shinta. "Say good-bye to your home now, boy. You are coming with us. what is your name?" he asked. 

"A farmer's son, Shinta," answered Shinta. The man nodded and took him to one of the carraiges. Shinta was placed in a dark and lonely carraige without anyone to talk to. he was afraid to look outside. He was afraid to look at the sun. _No one loves me now, no one, but my mother._ Surprisingly or not, his bitter tears came back to his eyes. 

**And I knew That she loved me**

**_October 10, 1857_**

"Ahh!! Run!" The caravan was attacked with assassins. Shinta looked at one of the woman, Akane. She pulled him alongside her. "Shinta, we must run," she whispered. 

Growing on Shinta's mind was his own father's assassination. _I won't let them die this time. I will protect those who have loved me. I failed to have protected my father, but now I am older, I can be stronger._ He held a sword to attack, but Akane held him back. _What? Again, I failed to protect the ones I cared for._

"You must live, Shinta," those were her last words. the woman who's name was like my mother, Sakura. They had the same words on their lips. Someone saved me that night, but I do not know his name. He was strong, and I was not. All i could do was to honor the dead and bury them. I tried to find the best graves for the three who protected me, but I could find none. I couldn't even find flowers for them. yes, they desrved flowers. They told me to live, like my mother did. They loved me. 

The same man who came for me that night came by again. "I will share my sake with them as my tribute to them who have given lives for one to live," he had said. I thanked him. He leooked at me and asked my name, I answered him. "A child's name. Too soft for a swordsman. From now on, you shall be Kenshin, Himura Kenshin. I have found myself a pupil. Consider yourself lucky." 

**_June 15, 1858. A small hut in the mountains of Kyoto._**

**so the years went by**

"Keep you body straight, Kenshin!" He was known as Kenshin now, not anymore Shinta. "Your stance is way off again! Kenshin! Kenshin, are you listening to me?" the master asked. 

Kenshin kept my eye on his sword. "Yes, Master!" he replied. He nodded for Kenshin to attack. Kenshin fell again with one push. _How can I be so weak? Why?_ "Ahhhh!" He charged, but again fell. Slowly, he got up, a little dizzy, but he wanted to be strong. Kenshin wanted him to fall for once. Every time they were in this waterfall, he was the one who's falling. "Ahhhhhh!" But still, I fell. _I need to be strong to be able to protect. Like the first principle of Hiten says._

The master turned. "That is enough for today. You're full of thoughts again and you cannot fight without it clear. Now you go and get some water down the stream. I will teach you how to make riceballs," he said. Kenshin looked up and looked at his hands. "Hurry," he suddenly said that made Kenshin jumped and grabbed the bucket. 

**I stayed the same**

The nine-year-old boy looked at his hands. "I do not have hands of a farmer anymore, like I wanted them to be." He looked at the calm river. "Niether do I have the hands of a fisherman that would see a lot of flying fishes and make a lot of wishes." He smiled as he grabbed the bucket. "But I have something better. I have the hands of a swordsman who will learn to protect those who cannot protect themselves," he said to himself. 

He made his way up to the hut. His master met him there. "You got up at last," he said. "Look here, this is how you cook decent riceballs," he said and showed the fascinated boy how to. He looked at the boy as he tried to make his own riceballs. _A heart of a child as much as he has a heart of a sword._ "Now, see? You have made one, at last," he said as Kenshin showed him a riceball. 

**But she began to drift away**

One night, Kenshin and his master walked down to the city. Kenshin turned his head and saw a little boy clinging to his mother and crying. Mother! He hadn't thought of her in months. She hadn't appeared in his dreams. It has indeed been a long time since she hugged him in his dreams. 

"Stupid pupil, try to pay attention!" his master barked. Kenshin looked at him and nodded. His master shook his head at the daydreaming boy. "Now look, see this?" Kenshin looked at the crumpled-up apple. "Do you want to eat it?" he asked. Kennshin shook his head, looking as if he was about to vomit. His master smiled and gave him a nice apple. "Here, have this one then," he said with a smile. With one bite, Kenshin started spitting out worms. "You can't judge something by it's cover, stupid pupil." The master bit into the bad-looking apple. "Good." He smacked his lips and smiled at the amazed Kenshin. 

Kenshin learned something valuable that night. Never trust his master without being suspicious. That teaching kept his thoughts further and further away from his home, from his family. 

**I was left alone**

"Shinta! Shinta!" Kenshin turned quickly. A young boy ran to a loving woman with her arms wide open to catch him. She hugged her son and closed the door behind her as they went into the house. 

Kenshin felt a hand touch his shoulder. "You are Kenshin now," he reminded. Kenshin felt something different with his cold-hearted master that moment. "Now let's go, you have a lot more training to catch up on," he said, walking faster. _The boy's heart is still after his soul. He will not forget the call of his mother. he has not fogotten in until now._

"One! Two! Three!" Kenshin swung his bokken at the tree. Flashes of the muscles man appeared on his mind. "I--" He swung it harder than he had ever before. "Hate---" His master watched him and shook his head. "Him--!!" Kenshin yelled and swung the bokken so hard that he broke it in two. 

His anger shot through his eyes day after day after that he broke his bokken. He used a sword and soon got better and better. His master has seen this, he was a little proud of the boy who had buried more than fifty people at the age of eight. He had carried the weight of the dead as a boy, but he still had the heart to live after seeeing so much death before his young eyes. 

**_June 20, 1859. Sitting alone by the stream, looking at the clouds._**

**Still I waited for the day**

"Mother, I dreamt of you again last night." He took a sip of his tea. "You were cold then, you turned your back on me, but I know you better than that. I know you a lot better than that. Today I turn ten, Mother, Father. Soon, I will reach my Genkpu and become an adult." He looked at the flowing stream. "I will not fail to protect anyone again." 

A cold wind blew past his hair. The master looked from above. "Kenshin! Get off your lazy butt and practice!" he yelled. Kenshin did as he was told. _He may be daydreaming at times, but he is alert. He is quick to move and also quick to obey. He will become one fo Japan's greatest swordsman._

Kenshin swung his sword, still facing the stream. He looked up and felt cold hands embracing him. "I love you, son. Never forget that you mother and I will always be at your side." Then, another one spoke into his inner thoughts. "I will always love you," was her soft whisper. 

**When she'd say I will always love you**

But the boy knew he was dreaming. He didn't belive in those voices anymore. He knew he had to stop ebing a child and be a man. Five more years and he was a man. He had to stop being a child. 

"Kenshin." Kenshin looked up and saw his master. "Go wear something. There is a festival down there that I think you might like," he suddenly said. Kenshin's eyes widened, his master had never let him enter any festivals. "Hurry before I change my mind." Kenshin did hurry and he was back at his master's side in a flash. _Huh, a child, still full of childish thoughts._ "Let's go." 

**_March 16, 1863_**

**Lonely and forgotten**

"Master! We've got to go down and help them!" yelled fourteen-year-old, Himura Kenshin. "There are people suffering. Those who destroy their own bretheren aren't human, they are mad dogs! Master, listen!" 

The master turned his back on his pupil. "It is foolish to listen to those who will now. Go and do as you wish." Although he wouldn't admit it, his heart was broken. he knew that the boy he used to know would be gone. The boy with the heart of a child would be gone. They would twist his mind, eat him alive. 

He went and spent his Genkpu with men who didn't care, not his master. He didn't care, he had no emotions at all. He didn't think about Genkpu right now, he had a lot more than that to think of. He had been fighting for a new world for so long that his inner voice spoke up in the middle of the night. 

**_December 10, 1864_**

**Never thought she'd look my way**

"Shinta? Shinta?" Kenshin looked up. he was standing in the middle of the darkness with a hoe. "Shinta? What has happened to your smile? Smile for me, my Shinta," she said, her hands reaching for Kenshin. 

Kenshin backed away. "I can't. I can't, Mother. That smile is for a child. I am no more of a child. I have grown up now, can't you see? I am holding a swo-" No, he wasn't holding a sword, he was holding a hoe. The hoe he used when he tried to be his mother's man. "A hoe..." 

His mother reached for him. "You're still my little boy, Shinta. No matter how strong you think you've become. Look at your hands and compare them to your heart and soul. You have destroyed your heart, your smile. You have not kept your promise, Shinta," she said. 

Kenshin hung his head. "I wanted to protect,instead I..." Not knowing, his tears came down his eyes. His mother held him close. Kenshin grabbed her kimono. "Mother...please save me." 

**And she smiled at me just like she used to do**

"No Shinta, only you can save yourself." Kenshin lay his head on her lap, crying like a child. "Look at your heart, Shinta. You are still a child. You are a child with hands stained with blood. Save yourself and save your smile," she whispered to Kenshin's ear. 

Gripping her kimono harder, Kenshin shook his head. "it's hard for me to, Mother. with a lot of other people there crying, i have to cry to. when they are dying, I feel like I have to die too. How can I smile, Mother, when no one here seems to love me?" he asked. "How can I mother, when no one here seems to care anymore? Not like when I was a child." 

**Like she loved me**

"It is I and your father who loves you, Shinta." Kenshin slowly let go of his tight grip and look at her eyes. 'be the boy who used to dry my tears, don't be the one to make them, Shinta." Tears, tears made of blood came from her eyes. 

Kenshin wiped them away and smiled. "Yes Mother," he replied. His mother smiled, she looked at her little Shinta once more. "Mother, would you please stay with me like this forver?" he asked, but hi mother shook her head. Kenshin looked at her with great surprise. "Why?" he asked, a tone of anger and disappointment can be found in his voice. 

"Do not question that, because you already know. Physically, we have gone, but I will stay in your heart, in your memory. Shinta, rest peacefully now. Rest with a smile now, good-bye, Shinta." She was gone, gone forever.   
  
**When she loved me.**

Kenshin woke up panting. "Mother..." She looked to his side, there lay his wife, Tomoe. The beautiful and enchanting Tomoe. Last night, he had ask her to marry him. She answered yes, they were now wed. _I will protect my wife._

He leaned back and positioned himself comfortably. he smiled as he remembered his face as a child, his face as a boy. His thoughts and emotions as an innocent farmer's son. As a farmer when he was six. He knew the pains and the joys of a farmer. he was now farming again with his wife. Like he did before, again, he was holding a hoe, not a sword. 

**When somebody loved me**

"Mother!" Flashes of the young boy who held a how with a clean heart and mind swept over him. He waved at his loving mother, with the smile that everyone back home loved. "Mother! Over here!" 

Kenshin grinned as he looked up. "That was years ago, when I haven't held a sword. But no one then survived, because no one knew how to hold a sword there. No one was taught to, we were farmers," he whispered to himself, his head bowing as he remembered a letter being sent to him. It was cold December then too, like this one. 

"Stupid pupil, someone sent you a letter." His master held out a letter. It was sealed and indeed addresed to him. "Someone who sent this to you must be desperate. No one knows your whereabouts." Kenshin, then twelve, looked at the letter and tore the envelope as fast as he could. "Slow down there, boy. You would rip the letter iteslf if you don't," warned his master. "Read it aloud." 

Kenshin gripped the piece of paper as he looked at the words written in wondeful kanji. "Shinta, this is your friend Kaya writing to you. Sinta, I am the only one who survived. Read this carefully, everyone back home has died. Don't make an effort to goback and visit your parents' graves or us. Evil men killed our families months after you were sold. Father told me about it. My father's life also taken. Shinta, I miss you and I wish you well. I have asked people about you, and they guided me to where you are. It took me years to find you, my friend. As long as you are safe, my mind rests." Kenshin looked up. "Kaya...Mother..." 

**Everything was beautiful**

"Shinta! Shinta! Let's play!" Kaya had a happy smile every time they played together. Kaya and Shinta had known each other since they were two. They were both sons of poor farmers. Poor, but indeed happy. Shinta and Kaya shared their adventures together until Shinta was sold and gone. Kenshin could still remeber Kaya's tears when Shinta's mother died. "I'm so sorry about it, Shinta," he said. He was a very good friend. 

With his father, mother, Kaya, and other boys who played with him as a child; Kenshin knew he was loved. He was cared for and smiled at. Someone was there to catch his tears as it fell. Though he tried to forget the memories of being loved, it lives within him and wouldn't let him forget. 

**Every hour we spent together**

Awakening again from his memories, Kenshin closed his eyes. _Why can't I forget?_ "A farmer's son huh?" he whispered and slowly began to doze off with his sword beside him. "Farmer's son..." 

In his dreams, he saw little Shinta running. He had a top on his hand and his father was beside him, also running. His mother walked behind them with a smile. Shinta looked back and waved. His mother waved at him. His father smiled and patted his head. Shinta ran through the open grassland. Kaya appeared out of nowhere with a ball. Shinta nodded and played with Kaya as his mother and father watched them from the side. Both were happy so Shinta was also happy. He liked to see his parents smile. That's what made him smile brighter than the sun. 

"Remeber our laughter, Shinta!" shouted Kaya from afar as he ran way. Shinta sprung tears in his eyes, but he couldn't find the right words to say good-bye to him. "See you when time comes!" he yelled, but he was not visible already. 

Shinta stood there, his top still in his hand. "Yes, Kaya," he said. His father came up to him and placed a hnd on his shoulder. Shinta looked up and smiled. "Father, will Kaya come back to us?" he asked. 

His father nodded, his mother appeared beside him too. Shinta again smiled as he saw his parents smile. His mother placed her hand on his head. "Oh my little Shinta, never lose your smile. I would be very say if you do. Your smile is brighter then the sun. It will shine through the dark. Remeber these memories and you can always smile, Shinta," she told him softly. 

"It would always live inside my heart, Mother. I wouldn't forget these days forever and ever." He paused for a while, his eyes looked deep further to where Kaya disappeared. "Forver more, whatever happens. I know I can smile because these days lives within me," he said. 

**Lives within my heart**

Bright, very bright. Kenshin opened his eyes and looked outside. The sun was shining and the cold days were over. He can smile again when he sees the sun smile. It warmed him. Beside him, his wife still sound asleep. He smiled and looked at the sun again. 

"Son, we love you." Winds whisper what you always want to hear. You just have to listen to them. Listen to the wind and they carry the voices of the ones that you have lost before. they carry the voices of those who loved you when you feel unloved. The voices who cared for you when no one seemed to care. Kenshin looked at the sky. His mother appeared in the sky. "Smile for me, Shinta." Kenshin smiled and he could see her smile too. His mother's image faded aand a six-year-old boy with red hair appeared, holding a hoe and smiling at him. 

**When she loved me.**

Himura Kenshin, no, Shinta. Shinta is and will always be holding a hoe. Maybe not litterlally, but in his heart. Because, he is a farmer's son and he is loved. 

**A/N: How'd you like it? I hope it was enough!! This is the best I think I've made so far. Thank you for waiting and staying with me. Thank you very much! **


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